“Where the hell is he?” growled Mike, as Lenny’s phone pinged with a message.
“It’s ‘im, it’s Dave,” Lenny said, unlocking the screen. “Says Be there in a minute, had another commitment to deal with.”
“Another BLOODY commitment?” Mike yelled. “Who’s ‘e fink ‘e is?”
“Itchy,” moaned Two. He’d also been christened Dave, and the group didn’t have much imagination.
“Oh, bloody shut up,” Graham snapped. “Don’t you think we’ve got better things to worry about than your sodding skincare regime at the moment?”
“But…” Two continued.
“But bloody nothing, just put up with it. If it ‘elps at all, you look bleedin’ gorgeous, arright?” Mike said through gritted teeth.
“So, what do we do while we wait then?” Lenny asked. “We could go back inside, and…”
“No,” Mike said firmly, “No we can’t. And stop that, you wouldn’t do it in front of your mother, would you?”
Lenny sighed and moved his hand to scratch his arse instead. “But Deano’s still in there, I can message him and…”
“Deano’s a bloody idiot. Finks ‘e’s an ‘ero for staying there, when all ‘e is, is a bloody pillock.”
“I know, but…”
“Look, I need some time to fink, right? What ‘appens if Dave don’t turn up?”
“He always has in the past,” said Lenny.
“Sooo itchy!” groaned Two.
“SHUT UP!” the other three chorused in union.
“Maybe we could just saunter away,” said Graham, ”you know, like nuffin’s ‘appened. Those bags are ‘eavy, and no one’ll know it was us. Just leave the…”
He trailed off as Mike shot him a death stare.
“I said,” Mike hissed, “that I need some finkin’ time. That ain’t goin’ to work.”
“But we could do it all natural like, walk off confidently like we’re just four chaps out for an afternoon stroll and ‘appened to…”
“No.”
“My cheeks are bein’ rubbed raw,” wailed Two.
“Fine, fine, whatever,” Mike said, finally realising that he wasn’t going to win that particular battle. “Take it off, just don’t blame me when fings go tits up for you.”
Two sighed gratefully.
Lenny’s handset chimed “Bring Me Sunshine”, and he answered with a single grunted “Yes?”
A few moments later, he hung up and grinned at the others.
“’E’s just round the corner, be ‘ere in five seconds… oh, there ‘e is!”
Tyres screeched as a van rounded the street end going too fast, then pulled up alongside them. The window wound down and a happy face beamed out at them.
“Only six minutes late, boss!” Dave grinned.
Mike stood up, about to let loose a stream of invective when a blue light strobed on the wall beside him, and two squad cars appeared at either end of the street.
Over a tannoy a voice boomed as armed officers flooded the street. “You lot wearing tights on your head, and the man with the rash on his face… put your weapons down. You’re under arrest for armed robbery.”
“Bugger,” muttered Mike.
“That’s sooooo much better!” sighed Two happily.
