Mum lay on the hospital bed with tubes coming off her. Nurses rushed around, plugged in equipment, pulled over a wheeled table with scalpels, sucking things, an I.V. beeps and boops and machines whirred like sirens. The sight of her turned me to jelly. I wished with all my heart that I hadn’t said those words. ‘I wish you were dead!’ It made me feel sick.
The doctor pulled me outside. ‘She’s refusing to take blood.’
I clutched my head and tried my best to calm my breathing. ‘She’s a Jehovah’s Witness. It’s against her beliefs.’
The doctor gripped my shoulder. ‘Listen, she is going to die unless she has blood. I know you are only sixteen, but you are her next to kin. You can overrule her decision. It’ll be entirely your responsibility. We can’t give her blood without your permission.’
‘She’ll hate me. She really believes in that shit. Can’t you do anything else?’
‘A blood transfusion is her only hope. She has internal bleeding and is in a critical condition. The decision has to be now.’
I looked at her pale face beneath the tubes. A nurse lifted her arm to push in a needle into her vein. She looked dead already. It was too much to bear.
‘Do it. Give her blood.’
Hours later, Mum’s eyes opened.
I squeezed her hand gently. ‘Mum?’
‘What’s going on?’
‘You’ve been in a little accident. But it’s okay. You’re going to be alright.’
She frowned at the tube coming out of her arm and looked up at the I.V full of water. ‘Where am I?’
‘Hospital.’ I put my other hand over hers and held it tight. ‘I’m so sorry for what I said. It was horrible. I didn’t mean it. I’ll never say anything like that again. I love you, Mum.’
She looked at the blue sky through the window. Two swallows danced together and shimmered under golden sunshine. Her face lightened up. She seemed grateful to be alive. I was grateful too.
She gasped and looked at me. ‘They didn’t give me blood, did they?’
I winced. ‘It was the only way to save your life.’
She yanked her hand out of my grasp. ‘You idiot! You know I don’t accept blood. How could you do this?’
‘How? Because I don’t want you to die.’
‘I thought I could trust you. What do you think Jehovah will say?’
‘I don’t believe in the bible. And I don’t want you to die. You’re my mum!’
She scoffed and looked away. ‘You’ve betrayed me. I can’t forgive you. You should leave. And I don’t want you to be there when I get home.’
I took a deep breath and stood up. ‘I thought you’d hate me, but I had to make that sacrifice. I know you believe in your bible. But I’d rather you be alive and hate me than you be dead. I know you won’t understand what that means, but I had no choice.’
‘I told you to leave.’
