Okay, there’s certain stories you really dig. Sometimes it’s high art that you feel smart for liking. An approving conscience says well done, yada-yada.
Sometimes you like silly fluff for reasons you can’t justify but it was Crimson Camel who said a good paperback is preferable to bad literature.
Think about it, what would you rather eat, a fresh big mac or mouldy caviar?
So, this story, penned by the always entertaining Arizona Davies, takes us to a modest house. It’s during lockdown and two people are fucking.
They’re roleplaying with the guy doing a hearty pirate voice: “Yer be my kidnapped wrench ha-ha” but the gal decides to dial up the romance instead.
“I love you,” she states with puppy eyes “My heart aches for you.”
He frowns somewhat puzzled.
“Oh, don’t worry,” she laughs “it’s all just make-believe, doesn’t mean anything!”
This is Gloria Parker and her housemate with benefits, Mark Decker.
Mark is earnest and guileless, and you know he’d drive you two hundred miles to the airport in short notice because that’s the type of guy he is.
Gloria? She presents herself as an indifferent cynical bitch, but we soon figure out, this isn’t who she really is. It’s what she tries to be after being hurt too many times.
Details of her life emerge, parents divorce when she’s young, marry other people, have more kids and Gloria’s been thrown between two families, never feeling like she belongs to either. A heart-breaking moment is when she holds up two framed photographs of both her families vacationing at Disneyland and she’s nowhere to be seen.
The rest of her life, romantic and social, isn’t a lot better. Cheating boyfriends, backstabbing pals, etc, so she’s got all kinds of trust issues.
Befriending Mark and sharing a house with him to escape her dingy cramped apartment is a big step for her, but then lockdown strikes and all they have is each other.
Why sleep together? Gloria tells him that she’s horny, she’s lonely and it’s something to do, doesn’t mean anything. BULLSHIT! The way she looks at him half the time, snuggling up after lovemaking, lighting up when he enters the room, this means everything to her.
Is this realistic? Man, who cares? Sure, in real life “friends with benefits” rarely work out so rather than deliver the bummer ending, Davies gives us the ending we want.
Mark, ever the dutiful boy scout makes sure they have condoms, spermicide, morning after pills at the ready but Gloria announces one night: “We’re doing it raw!”
Yeah, she’s got the naughty look in her eyes and assures Mark that “I’m on the pill. What’s the matter? Scared you might knock me up?” That last part makes Mark a bit more vigorous than usual.
And wouldn’t you know it, soon a flustered Gloria holds up a positive pregnancy test: “Oh god, don’t tell me I forgot my pills on purpose!”
Now that’s just act one…
