As a writer yourself, you will know that lots of writers have given accounts of their craft. This doesn’t tend to progress much beyond the foothills of rocket science. They shut themselves in rooms without distraction, they stick to strict schedules and they eavesdrop on unwitting people. As someone slightly lacking in discipline for the first couple of points of writerly consensus, I embraced, for a while, the eavesdropping advice. And I have to say, this doesn’t always end well.
Like other writers wishing to capture ideas and observations, I too carry a notebook and pen everywhere I go. Get a small notebook – not so small you can’t fit much on one page – in an unobtrusive shade of beige, plus two biros. When I started out, I bought a pack of bright pink notebooks with ‘Britney is fab’ – reduced in Lidl – and a pencil with a pink feather on top to match. This may have seemed lacking in seriousness, and so many people commented on the pencil that it kind of blew my cover. Plus I didn’t have a sharpener. So beige and biros is the way to go, I think.
For effective eavesdropping it’s good to sit behind a chatty pair on a bus. Women are best; men talk about football. You’re at a fixed distance but not so close it looks as though you want to join in. This is one note:
…it cost an absolute fortune. Three emeralds set with tiny diamonds. Beautiful it is.
Where did he get that kind of cash I wonder?
May have got a loan. He does sometimes do a bit of extra work, you know videos, phones, it looks like he really loves her though.
Well, what could persuade a decent man to turn to crime to present his beloved with costly baubles. Nobody ever did that for me, I can tell you. I was a bit piqued about that.
Another time, a couple of youngish women were talking about a weekend away:
….What no clothes? What if someone saw you?
Maybe they did. Maybe we didn’t care.
Right on the beach?
A bit under the pier. Hey we get off at the next stop….
Good Lord. Come to think of it, I was a tiny bit envious of this scene of abandonment. Other people have very different lives, I’m sad to say.
The very last time I eavesdropped was as follows.
….so I just threw a tin of beans and he shut up
Yeah, you must have been really angry.
Angry? I could have killed him. What a prat.
I had to say something. So I tapped the murderer on the shoulder and said:
Please don’t say that. Better try and talk about things…….
The non-murderer stood up to face me. She was menacing. I got up and left the bus at the next stop.
So, another piece of advice for writers is this: if you do eavesdrop, just keep your ears open and mouth well shut.
