Inspector Camden Ironbell glared through the taxi window. He sighed and stroked his long beard. It would have been quicker to walk, he thought. He turned to his sergeant, who had her head stuck in a magazine.
“What are you reading, Lightwarble?”
Umros Lightwarble held up the magazine so he could see the cover. “Scientific Gnomus.”
“I see.” He raised an eyebrow. In his opinion, young Gnomes spent far too much time on human science and not enough on old-fashioned magic. “And WHAT is the article about?”
“It says here, the Milky Way is male.”
“How’d they make that out?”
“We have a black hole called Sagittarius A* at the centre. It’s on the small size compared to other galaxies. Take the Sobrero Galaxy. Its black hole is a billion solar masses, but ours is only four million.”
“Yes, and?”
“Well, it’s still called a SUPERMASSIVE Black Hole, so it stands to reason it has to be male.”
“We’ve arrived,” said a voice from up front.
They crossed over to the gates partitioning off Downing Street, showed their warrant cards and passed through into the hub of British governance.
“Glasses on, Sergeant.” They both donned their Nagual Glasses, so named because they allowed the wearer to see things as they really are. Downing Street transformed as numbers 10, 11 and 12 were joined by door number 13, which fronted the Ministry of Preternatural Affairs aka the Gnome Office.
The two officers knocked, and it swung open to reveal an elf.
“Inspector,” she purred, “we’ve been expecting you. The Minister is waiting for you.”
“Inspector, I’m worried,” the Minister said with no preamble. “We’ve had an outbreak of criminality. It started with stolen stationery, but now they’ve changed their names to things like ‘Alan’, claim to be from Microsoft, and they’re running an internet scam from the communications room.”
“I feel the urge to steal that paperweight,” said Lightwarble. “Do you have any magic going on in here?”
“Only in the basement, where the witches hang out.”
In the basement were five large pots.
“Nexterday Pots,” gasped Lightwarble. “They exist outside of time, pulling in the thoughts and emotions of everyone around them.”
All but one pot had their lids jammed on tightly. The fifth had no lid at all. The two officers looked inside and saw a large, black, swirling mass.
“That’s a psychic black hole,” said Lightwarble. “It will attract lies and deception in the locale from across the time barrier and feed it back to everyone nearby. There’s your problem.”
“What can we do?”
“This,” said Lightwarble. She picked up a lid lying on the floor and jammed it on the pot. “Nothing gets through those once they’re sealed.”
The sense of wrongness in the air evaporated.
“Inspector, you’re lucky to have her.”
“Yes, I know,” said Ironbell. He looked at Lightwarble suspiciously. “How did you know all that stuff?”
She held up the magazine. “I read a lot. You never know when it’ll come in handy. Sir.”
